Back in Midtown Tucson

Whoopee! We’re back in midtown Tucson in our little casita ten steps away from the big house where the grown-up grandchildren live. That makes the four of us a multigenerational family. We share almost every evening meal, and sometimes breakfast or lunch. All of us notice how much more conversation there is than when just two people eat together.

Lots of things have changed since we left here last April. Late last winter Grant, with his brother’s help, planted little fruit trees ­– orange, fig, and lemon. The little orange now has a dozen oranges ripening on its lower branches.

Yesterday Blair harvested the season’s first figs. Others are still ripening on the little tree.

Grant and Blair did a lot of work on Casita Bee while we were away, in spite of Tucson’s blistering summer heat. Casita Bee will be for grandparents use. We envision it as our recreation/guesthouse.

Grant took the building down to its studs, and rebuilt it. No doubt I’ll be writing about the casita in more detail, but for now, the new entry door and windows give a glimpse of the inside, notably the brick wall with fireplace that fills the entire opposite wall. (To see the interior a little more clearly, double-click on the image.)

I have to stop now, because tonight we will see the Arizona Theater Company’s presentation of Fiddler on the Roof. That will keep me up way past my bedtime. I must gird myself with a long nap.

Copyright 2016 by Shirley Domer

Intergenerational Living: Grandma's View

As I reflect on what I think of as our intergenerational living trial run, I realize that I went into it without expectations. I just went for the joy of spending time with the kids and getting acquainted with the place.

As I approached my visit to Tucson I did give some thought to how I could be of help to the kids while I was there. I hoped that cooking would be one way to do that and I went prepared with my kneading cloth, some dry yeast, and my handicapped tools – pliers, kitchen scissors, and jar opener.

I also hoped to be sensitive to their need for privacy, both individually and as a couple.

I was planning to have a good time, but I had a wonderful time. I found that grandma benefits from intergenerational living in many ways. Today I’ll just mention a few. I’m sure others will come up in subsequent posts.

First of all, I felt loved and cared for. I felt secure and happy to be exploring this new climate, this new abode, this new city and its culture.

Second, I felt useful. So many older people feel they are not making a contribution. They feel useless. In Tucson with these young people I felt happy to help when I could ease their way. The little I did seemed to make them happy, too. Mutual happiness compounds itself. We become even happier.

Third, I learned a lot from the kids. They both are darned good cooks and they prepare dishes I’ve never mastered. They know their way around the city, they have lived in Europe, they know about technology and how to make it work. They learned a few things from me, too, I know. Passing knowledge and experience between generations is very important. A thirst for knowledge helps make this happen. We all love to learn and for the old, it keeps our minds ticking.

Fourth, my arthritis improved tremendously and I was more energetic. Was it the climate? Was it my renewed interest in life? I don’t know the answer. All I know is that I returned to Kansas physically stronger and healthier.

This list could go on; suffice it to say, I feel rejuvenated! I have climbed out of my rut. New experiences in a new setting with loving people gave me reason to live. Back in Kansas my energy continues to flow. I’m seeing more people, going into town more, and having more fun than I’ve had for a long time. At the same time, I’m dreaming of our 2015-2016 winter in our casita in Tucson, and making plans.

Copyright 2015 by Shirley Domer

Intergenerational Living: The Trial Run

Grant and Blair invited Dennis and me to come to Tucson for a visit. They had just purchased a house with a little help from us and had lived in it for just one week when I arrived on February 15.* The house has two casitas (little houses) in the back yard for Dennis and me to occupy during the winter months. The deal is mutually beneficial. Their need for a larger down payment and our needs were in sync. But would existence in proximity to each other be in sync as well?

This was, in my mind, a test run. I figured that if my staying in the guest room of the main house was comfortable and pleasant for all of us, everything would be fine when Dennis and I come to live in the guest house. I suspect the kids saw it that way, too.

From the start things looked promising. My bed had been delivered to the main house because the primary casita was not ready for occupancy, nor was I equipped with kitchen equipment to use there. A complete bedroom awaited me, down to wastebasket and clothes hamper. Grant and Blair had worked hard to make me feel welcome.

I felt like a guest only for the first few days. I began to feel at home when Blair gave me an introductory tour of the kitchen cabinets and more so when I made granola and bread while the kids were at work. We always ate the evening meal together and worked together to get it ready. After supper we lingered at the table, “talking coffee,” as after-dinner conversation is called in my family.

We developed some routines. We took informal turns cooking, determined by the meals we planned for the week on Saturday. We went grocery shopping together, too. Sometimes I went with Blair, sometimes with Grant.

I felt free to participate in discussion about transforming the back yard. I was included in a get-together at a neighbors’ house. (I was at least 35 years older than anyone else, but it seemed to make no difference except that I left long before the other guests because it was my bedtime.) The adorable Airedale, Zucca, came to accept me as part of her family and to greet me when I came home.

I spent more and more time in the main casita, thanks to Blair and Grant, who moved a nice table and two chairs into the front room, and Blair’s mother, who brought a nice couch and easy chair as well as a lovely dresser for the bedroom. Last week the heating and cooling mini split was installed and Grant and Blair brought my bed over so I could spend a few nights sleeping in the casita. I had wanted to get the feel of living there before I came home. It was good.

By the time I left Tucson yesterday I was fully invested in the intergenerational experiment and happy to be so. I’m glad to be back  in Kansas for its beautiful spring, but I’m missing Tucson, and wish I could be there today to witness the cutting of the huge dead eucalyptus in the back yard. The kids have promised to send a photo, but it won’t be like watching and documenting the whole operation.

Looking back I realize there are certain important aspects to the success of intergenerational living including communication, respect, and more. Soon I’ll be posting my thoughts on those subjects. In the meantime, hasta la vista.

*  Dennis couldn't go because of obligations at home.

 

Copyright 2015 by Shirley Domer