Intergenerational Living: The Trial Run

Grant and Blair invited Dennis and me to come to Tucson for a visit. They had just purchased a house with a little help from us and had lived in it for just one week when I arrived on February 15.* The house has two casitas (little houses) in the back yard for Dennis and me to occupy during the winter months. The deal is mutually beneficial. Their need for a larger down payment and our needs were in sync. But would existence in proximity to each other be in sync as well?

This was, in my mind, a test run. I figured that if my staying in the guest room of the main house was comfortable and pleasant for all of us, everything would be fine when Dennis and I come to live in the guest house. I suspect the kids saw it that way, too.

From the start things looked promising. My bed had been delivered to the main house because the primary casita was not ready for occupancy, nor was I equipped with kitchen equipment to use there. A complete bedroom awaited me, down to wastebasket and clothes hamper. Grant and Blair had worked hard to make me feel welcome.

I felt like a guest only for the first few days. I began to feel at home when Blair gave me an introductory tour of the kitchen cabinets and more so when I made granola and bread while the kids were at work. We always ate the evening meal together and worked together to get it ready. After supper we lingered at the table, “talking coffee,” as after-dinner conversation is called in my family.

We developed some routines. We took informal turns cooking, determined by the meals we planned for the week on Saturday. We went grocery shopping together, too. Sometimes I went with Blair, sometimes with Grant.

I felt free to participate in discussion about transforming the back yard. I was included in a get-together at a neighbors’ house. (I was at least 35 years older than anyone else, but it seemed to make no difference except that I left long before the other guests because it was my bedtime.) The adorable Airedale, Zucca, came to accept me as part of her family and to greet me when I came home.

I spent more and more time in the main casita, thanks to Blair and Grant, who moved a nice table and two chairs into the front room, and Blair’s mother, who brought a nice couch and easy chair as well as a lovely dresser for the bedroom. Last week the heating and cooling mini split was installed and Grant and Blair brought my bed over so I could spend a few nights sleeping in the casita. I had wanted to get the feel of living there before I came home. It was good.

By the time I left Tucson yesterday I was fully invested in the intergenerational experiment and happy to be so. I’m glad to be back  in Kansas for its beautiful spring, but I’m missing Tucson, and wish I could be there today to witness the cutting of the huge dead eucalyptus in the back yard. The kids have promised to send a photo, but it won’t be like watching and documenting the whole operation.

Looking back I realize there are certain important aspects to the success of intergenerational living including communication, respect, and more. Soon I’ll be posting my thoughts on those subjects. In the meantime, hasta la vista.

*  Dennis couldn't go because of obligations at home.

 

Copyright 2015 by Shirley Domer